WHY MARS AND VENUS COLLIDE - a new insight

Mars and Venus.....

Why suddenly these 2 planets appeared in this multi-million-copies book?

And who does not know John Gray? I did not know him, at least until few months ago.Apparently he is the reknowned author for a book that made a revolutionary effect on the perception toward intergender relationship.

Have you ever heard of this book? Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus...

I just came across this book a few months ago but I DO NOT read it up until now for reasons only known to me.

But when mphonline.com made a good offer on his latest book, I didn't have to think twice to buy it.

The author scientifically described the differences between man and woman's brain...

He also explained 2 major hormones which influenced how men and women respond to stress...

He did blame the fast-paced life we are facing right now that lead to stress...

So the culprit is the stress that and it is essential for both men and women know how to handle the stress to prevent turmoil in the family institution.

Being a man, testesterone is the major hormone that gives the sense of self-worth and drives the man to be an excellent problem solver, and in contrast oxytoxin is a stress-reliever hormone for women.

Testesterone will deplete at the end of each day after a long-hour work so when man reach home he will need to have some time for himself to restore his testesterone level.That's why men tend to retreat into himself by reading newspaper or worse still (for the wife's perspective) getting a nap or watching televisyen without being sensitive TO the wife's need as to help her in the household chores..

So wives out there...don't get too upset with your hubby....the habit is in their brain...at least that was what Mr Gray wrote in his book.

For women, after a long-hour at work , they need to reconnect, share and nurture because that activities will increased their oxytoxin and lessen their stress level...

Sound logic isn't it?

So men out there, when your wife need to talk to you after work, please spare some time, because that will make them happy...

And try not to solve their problem when they start to talk about it because when you start to solve the problem by saying "never mind, honey" or 'it's just a small matter, don't worry about it" it will be perceived by them that you just try to brush off their feeling and you just do not understand...

Oh!... wait... just don't get agitated, it's how women think, you know, even though you think you want to help her, but actually they only need your ears.... and emotional support...

So you don't need to solve their problem.

Just encourage them to talk about it and show some empathy...

At the end of the day, you will find your wife will be happy again and ready to go for a "dance" in the kitchen.

And for women, we are responsible to fill in 90% of our oxytoxin tank and only the last 10% is expected to be filled by our spouse...

Mr Gray named it a 90/10 principle...

So how to fill in your oxytoxin tank, by the way?

Various ways, ranging from reading our favourite book, going for a spa or facial , gardening, or doing community and volunteer works...

I suppose that is why,as we can see, women are more readily register themselves as a volunteer rather than men...

So, for all the superwomen out there, take sometime for yourselves....read, make appointment for a facial or help in your community services...

You will feel good and you can face all the challenges ahead.

Personally, this book did give me some insights on how to understand men better and try not to feel offended or ignored when my hubby need to spend sometime on his own or when he tried to solve my problem eventhough I just need a shoulder to cry on.

Whatever it is, we should accept our spouses as they are and try to make out the best from our relationship.

Mr Gray did mention a lot of things but these are the main points that stayed in my heart...

Among all the sayings mentioned in his book...one did move me...

REAL LOVE DOES NOT DEMAND PERFECTION BUT EMBRACE IMPERFECTION....

Allahu'alam

Ummuzulfa...10 April 2008