Saturday, May 19, 2007


I don't know why this confinement period is quite distressful for me this time.

My beloved little ones, Zulfa still refused to sleep early at night. Of course she will asleep in the morning for few hours but usually after 2 pm she will stay awake of sleep for few minutes before woke up again.

I blamed it to the 'infant colic syndrome' - I think so that is the cause of she is still fully awake and appeared restless at 2 am in the morning. I also can felt and heard the peristaltic movement of her bowel. If I was lucky, my beloved hubby will cuddle her until she get tired and felt asleep in his arm and will continue to sleep after he put her beside me in bed.If not, she will again open her eyes at the very moment her body touched the mattress.

Well, I think I just have to bear with the situation few the next few moments when the colic will disappear - hopefully

Then, come my 3-year-old-talk-a lot dearie daughter, Fairuz. She is still adjusting to the new situation having somebody around me all the time. However, I think she took it quite well so far.She seldom cried but she refused to be handled by my maid, so I have to persuade her to take her bath ( a difficult task as she does not like bathing), to have her meals - another near impossible task and she will stay near to me if she want to have something to 'gentel' while she is sucking her fingers ( she sucks her middle and second fingers)

But she is still my angel. She felt bored at home while her sisters are away to school all day. She's a talkative girl and can speak unexpected things and more often than not she will asked difficult questions. But still, she is my loyal companion during this period.

Nurul, my 'cengeng' yet quite aggrasive and expressive daughter still demanding my attention.She is not a morning girl, so every morning is a disaster for me to prepare her to school, especially during this long maternity leave. I used to send her to school every day as her school is near to my workplace but now she has to wake as early as 5.45 am and has to be ready by 6.15 to follow my sister to work then my sister will drop her at my aunty's house before her ustaz pick her up to school.

Not to mention her face every morning, to get a small smile from her face is a very-very-very rare occasion ( I remembered only once she smile since school term started).She can even cried her lung out if something is not quite right. It took me a lot of patience and strong will not to shout or scold her every morning and she is really testing my patience sometimes.

Every morning, I will be fighting with my guilty feeling because separating her from her sister by sending her to a different school, some more the school is far from home eventhough near to my workplace and I will send and pick her up every day.She's still having difficulty adjusting to the new school eventhough she is doing fine in her study.

Deep in my heart , I always prayed that we have made the right decision by sending her to that school.

Then, Fatin, my first daughter is another different story.She is a happy go lucky girl, seldom take things seriously and appeared euphoric most of the time. All that she can think of is play and role play. It is a difficult task to ask her to do her homework and concentrate on her study for half an hour. How I wish she can be quite independent and take her study more seriously, like myself :) Or am I expected too high of my 9-year-old daughter or wanted her to be a photocopy of myself. I know that is s not a right thing to do.

Should I wait for her to be more mature and eventually she will change or should I force her at this point of time before it is too late. It is really a dilemma for me.Ya Allah, please guide me to a right path.

Being stuck in my room all day during this period did not offer much help also. Being myself who like going out working, shopping and doing a lot of things outside home made this period not so easy. Well, I do read but on and off, I need to do something else to keep my sanity.

At the end of the day, I feel so exhausted and 'drowned' with all these and felt depressed and angry. I did not even have the energy to smile at my hubby when he reached home around 8 pm. I felt so bad about myself.

Being a mother is far from easy. It can drained out the energy from you.It is a life-long job without annual leave or resignation.


"Sebaik-baik manusia adalah yang memberi manafaat kepada manusia lain- Al-hadis"


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